Found on Facebook! (Thanks LK!)

Sick of your friends’ “25 Random Things” clogging up your Facebook feed? Break up the mind-numbing irritation monotony with this latest video gem: “Jesus Is A Friend of Mine.” Share on…

Ah, Craiglist. A haven for strange solicitations. This ain’t no Ninja Hauler, but it will make you go, “Whaaaa?”

Stay [under] my bed

stay under my bed for the bargain price of $600/month!

when you emerge from the floor space under my full size bed, you will be in the heart of san francisco!

requires first and last months’ rent.

note: if you pretend like you are an actual monster under the bed and haunt me like when i was a child, i will allow access to the shower and stove. but you must make me so scared that i wet the bed. if you succeed, i will be soaked, and will lie there motionless until the yellow liquid turns cold, as i will be too afraid to wake up my parents who now live 3000 miles away.

okay okay, i’ll let you stay for free if you will just please help me wet the bed every night!

They add “the” in front of a new technology. For example:

“Are you on the Facebook yet?”

“I saw you on the Twitter.”

An alternative is when different technology names get mashed together:

“I signed up for MyFacePage yesterday.”

It’s sweet, really. But it’s just Facebook. Twitter. MySpace. LinkedIn. No “the” necessary.

Breaking news: Sony releases new stupid piece of shit that doesn’t fucking work.

Big thanks to The Onion for covering the story.

If the guy who wrote this classified ad isn’t an advertising mogul by now, having started as a talented copywriter of course, then I’m sad for the world.

Check out this “Ninja Hauler” ad, complete with original photos, found on Craigslist in November. The manly 2005 Nissan XTerra the ad touts is so special that it was “engineered by 3rd degree ninja super-warriors” and can only be described as a “four-wheeled hellcat from Planet Kickass.” Awesome.

NINJA HAULER: 2005 Nissan Xterra – $12900 (Ronan / Lake County)

Date: 2008-11-19, 10:04PM MST

OK, let me start off by saying this Xterra is only available for purchase by the manliest of men (or women). My friend, if it was possible for a vehicle to sprout chest hair and a five o’clock shadow, this Nissan would look like Tom Selleck. It is just that manly.

It was never intended to drive to the mall so you can pick up that adorable shirt at Abercrombie & Fitch that you had your eye on. It wasn’t meant to transport you to yoga class or Linens & Things. No, that’s what your Prius is for. If that’s the kind of car you’re looking for, then just do us all a favor and stop reading right now. I mean it. Just stop.

This car was engineered by 3rd degree ninja super-warriors in the highest mountains of Japan to serve the needs of the man that cheats death on a daily basis. They didn’t even consider superfluous nancy boy amenities like navigation systems (real men don’t get lost), heated leather seats (a real man doesn’t let anything warm his butt), or On Star (real men don’t even know what the hell On Star is).

No, this brute comes with the things us testosterone-fueled super action junkies need. It has a 265 HP engine to outrun the cops. It’s got special blood/gore resistant upholstery. It even has a first-aid kit in the back. You know what the first aid kit has in it? A pint of whiskey, a stitch-your-own-wound kit and a hunk of leather to bite down on when you’re operating on yourself. The Xterra also has an automatic transmission so if you’re being chased by Libyan terrorists, you’ll still be able to shoot your machine gun out the window and drive at the same time. It’s saved my bacon more than once.

It has room for you and the four hotties you picked up on the way to the gym to blast your pecs and hammer your glutes. There’s a tow hitch to pull your 50 caliber anti-Taliban, self cooling machine gun. I also just put in a new windshield to replace the one that got shot out by The Man.

My price on this bad boy is an incredibly low $12,900, but I’ll entertain reasonable offers. And by reasonable, I mean don’t walk up and tell me you’ll give me $5,000 for it. That’s liable to earn you a Burmese-roundhouse-sphincter-kick with a follow up three fingered eye-jab. Would it hurt? Hell yeah. Let’s just say you won’t be the prettiest guy at the Coldplay concert anymore.

There’s only 69,000 miles on this four-wheeled hellcat from Planet Kickass. Trust me, it will outlive you and the offspring that will carry your name. It will live on as a monument to your machismo.

Now, go look in the mirror and tell me what you see. If it’s a rugged, no holds barred, super brute he-man macho Chuck Norris stunt double, then contact me. I might be out hang-gliding or BASE jumping or just chilling with my ladies, but I’ll get back to you. And when I do, we’ll talk about a price over a nice glass of Schmidt while we listen to Johnny Cash.

To sweeten the deal a little, I’m throwing in this pair of MC Hammer pants for the man with rippling quads that can’t fit into regular pants. Yeah, you heard me. FREE MC Hammer pants.

Rock on.

Rock on indeed.

(Thanks Patrick for sending this along!)